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Presidential Race Is Like Watching Bullies


I was walking to class the other day when I suddenly realized something. The guys running for president could be cast as different archetype bullies.

Newt Gingrich is the archetype old school bully. Everybody knows this kind of bully. The one that’s just overbearing in size and personality. He uses his size as an advantage and just pushes every body out of his way. He steals your lunch money, gets money from Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, then when he’s called on it he twists it and makes himself look like the good guy.

Then there’s Rick Santorum. He’s the archetype religious bully. He’s clean cut, wears sweater vests, says things like sex before marriage is bad, and uses the bible to justify his bullying of homosexuals. You know he quotes the bible and says ” You too can be saved if only you come out of your deviant lifestyle.” And people like him because that is what the bible says.

You also have Ron Paul. He’s the small bully who nobody picks on because they think he’s crazy. He’ll say some crazy junk and belittle people but, at the end of the day people don’t want to take him seriously. Then one day out of nowhere he comes up to the school and just starts pounding on the 300 pound line man and people think to themselves “Oh shit. That guy was serious.” Thus, he gains respect and becomes a more effective bully.

Let’s not forgot good ol’ Mitt. Now Mitt is different than any other bully. You never really see him commit acts of bullying but deep down inside you know he had some thing to do with you getting your lunch money stolen and your ass kicked. He’s the smart bully, the one who has his friends break you down and then he comes in and just says a few words to you and you know he was the one who had you beat up.

Finally there’s the President himself. Obama is completely different from any other bully because really he’s not one. Every body knows this guy or at least knows of this guy. Obama is the star athlete who sees people getting bullied but doesn’t do anything. Not because he likes seeing people getting bullied but because he’s afraid what it might do to his reputation. He’s tried once before to stand up for the bullied but he suffered for it. People called him a nerd lover or a nerd himself and he’s tried almost everything but none of it works. So because nothing he has tried works he just gives up and allows the bullying to continue. Therefore, even though he’s not a bully by doing nothing he is one.

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8 responses

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    February 13, 2012 at 6:27 am

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    February 13, 2012 at 3:18 pm

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  8. Hmmm… interesting take. I can’t say that I agree with you completely but your position is laid out well

    March 28, 2012 at 6:29 pm

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